Free Verse: Who I Am

I lie, to no-one
But Myself.
Honesty, harder
Than most other things

I choose not to write,
Not because I have no inspiration
But because I am afraid.

A lack of desire
To open up
Even if just to myself.
The introspection which comes
From limitless creativity
Can overwhelm
A chaotic mind.

Yes, I have known,
But not,
For the longest time.

My current mindset
So deeply ingrained
Within my life.

Change is required,
But to change
A mind changes
A person.

What would I change?

Where I live?
Where I work?
My hobbies, my studies…
All aspects of my day to day life.

If these things changed
Would I be the same person,
Or would new experience
A new person?

My own desires feel selfish,
Wanting to be happy
Leaves me feeling guilt
To much guilt to try
To Change


I was born to care
I myself
Am nothing.

With no purpose
Other than to ensure
The happiness of others
A facilitator of need
Any need
Other than my own.

I wish I had purpose
I wish I had passion
I am the embodiment
Of Nothingness.
A void, unfilled.
Creates nothing
But disappointment.

I am worthless.

My mind
Turns to thoughts
Of suicide.
Not as a course of
Action, but as an option.

Like a preparation,
For an option, I know,
I will always have.


It’s easier,
To write that word
Than it should be.

I suppose that is
The scary part
Of depression.
Reckless self-preservation,
The catalyst,
An irrational mind.

I can’t
Feel happy,
Because happiness
Eludes me.

Soon things will change,
It is inevitable.
And as changes occur,
Perhaps too many
All at once,
You will change too.

Haunted by words,
Never dared to be spoken
Aloud, but in my mind
They are shouted
On repeat.

Are the words that haunt us,
Ever worth reflecting on?

It is hard.
Yet I know,
I will move away
From this way of thinking
And likely soon.

As changes occur
So to will I,
Cease to be.
The version of myself,
That I am.

I am strong.
I am passionate.
I am dedicated.
I am…I am…


That word.
Why does it always linger
At the back of my mind.

I feel it sometimes
My soul
Tarnished, broken
Beyond repair.

I feel like the damned.
Perhaps my penance,
Self-imposed though it is
Serves as punishment.

To serve others,
Showing them the route
To happiness
But finding none myself.

I hate myself.
Not all of the time,
But often enough,
To still be concerning.

I am harrowed,
But by neither fear,
Nor wonder.

Life is but a shade,
Upon a broad spectrum,
And I,
Too close to the edge,
Am lost
In the grey monotones
Of life.

Life just left me
On Pause.

I walked away
And fear
I will not return.
Yet, if I may
Choose to return
I hope that I can
Start living
The life I have always wanted.

I just wish I knew
How to be

I have questioned
The aspects of evil
Which plague me
They are vague
And intangible.

This outburst of sorrow
Is not a true reflection
Of anything.
It should inform,
No reason
For decisions
Yet to be made.

Whilst in this state of mind,
My catalyst for introspection
A haze of drugs
And alcohol,
Offer me no truths.
In their reflection
Instead, you are left
Shut off, and unable
To deal with life
In a productive way

And so I find myself,
Looking to change.
To find a way
To deal with life
Becoming part
Of the life
I am living

The relationship
Of most importance
The one you have,
With yourself.

From within
Prepares you to change.

Holding on to the life
You have had
Stops you
From taking the hand
Of the life you want.

Being one person.
Doing one thing.
Leading one life.

I need to begin
To find out,
Who I am.

Who am I?

A question,
That shouldn’t be so hard,
To answer.

Sonnet: Life Unlived

Often I ask, “Am I a good writer?”

Internally of course, never out loud.

Of nothing I create have I felt proud

For my desire, I am not a fighter.


I try to make others lives seem brighter,

My personal passion I try to shroud.

I may have wants but they are not allowed,

My burden never seems to get lighter


I’m caught in between duty and desire,

Wanton wants, outstanding obligation

A fear of getting burned, or fear of fire?

At my final curtain, no ovation.


My life unlived, making me a liar

When I ignore my dreams and temptations.

Sonnet: Looking for Love

Looking for love in all the wrong places,

Swiping right on all of the same faces.

Asking questions getting one-word answers,

It’s a social media disaster.


Whatever happened to love at first sight?

Enter a room and just know that tonight,

Is the night where you will first cast your eye,

On a future loved one. No need to try.


Manners cost nothing, and when face to face,

We are more respectful and observe grace.

We strive to do and say that which is right,

And doing so, a shared future seems bright.


So go offline, go over and above,

Know in your heart you are looking for love.

Sonnet: His Hand He Did Lay

Upon my shoulder his hand he did lay,

For just one moment, perfection today.

Less than a second, eternity still,

Night’s spent long dreaming for this very thrill.


We pass in a hallway, through me he looks

Perhaps perfection, on my part mistook.

I chastise myself, confidence shaken,

Forget about love, yet unawakened.


I cannot ignore, this hopeless romance,

I feel eyes burning with every glance.

Lingering longer, he stands by my side,

An exorbitant joy I cannot hide.


Then on my shoulder his hand he did lay,

He asks to join, as I go on my way.

Life Goes By

A Poem of Desire
Trying to be everything

Feeling like nothing

Wanting something

Unsure, uncertain

Hoping, dreaming

Wanting more

Life goes by

A daily chore

Lost in chaos

Trying to see

A different way

To live, to be

Too many options

Twists and turns


Crash and burn

Waiting for nothing

The timing right?

Wait forever 

Restless nights

Choosing wisely 

Over cautious

Life piles on

And leaves you nauseous


And overworked

Find the fun

Or go Berserk

Melting down

Start afresh 

Life goes on

To where, a guess

Trying hard

To be here, now

Love yourself

If you’ll allow.

Up ↑