Response to: On Holiday

My response to the post: On Holiday

 

I’ve been in a cottage in Skye now for three days. A holiday that was almost cancelled at the ninth, tenth, and eleventh hour. Yet one which thankfully went ahead.

After mum passed in September, we had no choice but to pull together as a family. This wasn’t hard to do. Crisis and personal sacrifice seem to be the norm for our family, but without mum with us to guide us it has been so much harder than ever before to feel like what we are doing is right, and that we are doing enough.

Having to build your day around the support of someone else, regardless of who that person is, and regardless of the love you may have for them, you can’t help but feel when your life changes as a result of someone else needs.

Despite this, my family, both of my brothers and my father are closer than ever, but hard hit by the magnitude of what we have lost. Mum meant so much to each of us, as individuals we mourn her loss, but stand by one another ensuring where possible that we are there for each other as much as we can be.

But a part of caring for another person, is making sure you take time to care for yourself, and my older brother and I took advantage of the cottage I had booked for my one year anniversary. While the relationship that the holiday was meant to mark did not last, the holiday itself came at a time in our lives where it could be properly taken advantage of.

Already three months have passed since my mum passed, and in that time we have had so little time to stop and do for ourselves anything that we require.

Throughout my time mourning, I have channelled my focus into creativity. I am lucky, I had just started a new and exciting college course just before my mum passed. I returned as soon as I could to continue with the course. I found that the focus and channeling of energy into producing the content required for my assessments gave me a means of pushing forward, productively, even on the hardest days.

I have pushed really hard to meet deadlines and finish tasks as close to the original timeline as possible, and although I have only a couple outstanding now, it is now that I slow down, that I allow myself the opportunity to switch off, that I find myself unable to focus on the things I need to write. 

I will likely miss more deadlines, and I am disappointed in myself that I have let that happen, but I am also proud of what I have accomplished so far, and look forward to continuing.

So for now, I will take a break, deserved or not. And after I am rested, I look forward to being ready to write again.

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