The Following is an extract from my Personal Log:
Unknown Date (Between 06.09.14 – 12.04.15)
I overreact to things. I already knew this about myself. But…
For the first time in the longest time, I had a dream which I remember.
I received a gift from an old family friend, a calendar with precious pictures of us and then some pictures of her family. Each picture had a beautiful quote on it which related to the picture. I was so overwhelmed rather than just put it straight onto the wall, I took it to my mum’s house to show her it. She took it out of its bag and then for whatever reason removed the binder. I was so angry, I watched as all of the pages of the calendar fell to the floor and I couldn’t help but shout my frustrations. My mum, realising too late what the binder was for started crying as she had unintentionally upset me.
Even in my dream, I was devastated, I said quite calmly,
“Actually it doesn’t matter, I can just use blue-tack to put it on the wall, it doesn’t change the beauty of the gift itself.”
I then hugged my mum and tried to reassure her that everything was okay.
Then. I woke up.
I felt guilty. I was devastated that, even in my dream, my actions resulted in my mum crying.
I overreact to things. I already knew this about myself. But for the first time, in the longest time, I realise that my behaviour does not just affect me, but those around me. When I become irritable, irrational, irate at all of the little things. When I demand and expect the world from myself.